All the small things.

Its been a hard week. My transition into graduate studies hasn’t been a smooth one. Waking up hopeful, going to bed even more disheartened than the day before. Desperately in need of a pick me up. Desperately in need of a win. That’s where I’ve been this week. And I spiral. I’m a spiralling kinda girl. Think up every negative thought possible and let it pile atop me to no end. If I don’t take the time to stop myself, I’d be lost.

I’m not usually this way. But maybe I had seen myself somewhere else by now, in my head. I have exactly what I wanted yet not at all at the same time. I have never met anyone more confusing. I spend my days questioning my own thoughts, whether they are right. Because I feel wronged yet completely ungrateful at the same time.

I realise that I need to stop. I realise that the road to where you need to be isn’t always the one you pictured taking, that slowly and on my own terms I will learn to accept that someday. I realise that I need to just be okay where I am for a while. To trust, this course is not mine to control. To appreciate all the good around me in the form of little things. Like these cookies.

When I’m down, all I want to do is bake. Cliché but doesn’t make it any less true. So itching all week to bake myself a pick me up, I obsessively went through my long list of food blogs (yes, I abuse my rights to bookmark)– his being one of them. On the day I found his blog (only a few months ago), I went a little overboard and managed to go through every single post he had ever written (4 years worth!). Yeah. Amazing. Psychotic? Let’s agree to disagree. Anyway, having gone through all the recipes on his blog, there may or may not have been a spastic clicking moment where I bookmarked a few (a lot) of his recipes. I won’t say. But this recipe wasn’t one of them for some BIZARRE reason. Let’s call it temporary brain dead.

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These. They’re wonderful. They’re, as he calls them, CINNAMINIS! Would it make you think any less of me if I said I’ve been screaming that all day? No? I hope so. It makes this whole thing like ten times more fun, and it was already pretty damn fun to begin with. Just sayin’.

Gotta admit I was a little worried at first. First of all, never made cinnamon rolls before (sad to say). Second, Tim addressed them as cookies. With that said, I found myself asking a lot of questions like “Is this too much butter? Did I roll the dough out too small, how much sugar exactly goes on this thing?! They look soft in the photos, I hope they come out soft. What if they come out like rocks?”.

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Needless to say, all that worrying was in vain. Because they came out perfect (which translates into: I literally stared them down the whole time they were in the oven to make sure nothing went wrong)! In the oven, all that brown sugar and butter bubbles and boils to form this perfect caramel between each layer which is so fun to watch yet extremely excruciating at the same time.

To save you the trouble of wishing (trying) to reach into the screen and feeling these babies up like I wanted to, I will tell you now that these cinnaminis are like a hybrid between a cookie and a bun. Crunch on the outside, chew on the inside. Heavenly. So heavenly in fact that I popped one right into my mouth the moment I took them out. (No judging. Except maybe you shouldn’t do that unless you like temporary, internal chest burns.) Of course I didn’t know it then but I was so happy after I tasted them that I went for a second one right after. Then I did a dance, yes, as I bit into them I danced a little. I swayed and ooh-ed and smiled from the inside out. Then I attacked another.

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It goes without saying that I lack that girly touch that most girls have to make things pretty. Tim’s are gorgeous by the way and put mine to shame. But they’re so yum I don’t care! 😀

I know these little rolls aren’t going to take my troubles away, but they are precisely the little things in life that I have learned to appreciate and be happy over. Like pancakes or early, quiet mornings.

So, try them? Not a question. You must! Try them!

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